fears again

Its amazing how hard it is to leave your fears behind. To trust something or someone completely. How do you trust someone who is invisible? How do you trust someone who you've never seen? Whos never held you, or wiped your tears away? How do you trust someone merely by words in a book that you're told are truth? Its hard enough to trust someone who is right there in front of you, telling you they care about you. You can see it in their eyes, hear it in their voice, feel in their touch, see it proven in what they do. If it's so hard to trust someone in plain sight, what is the comparison of trusting someone who isnt?

This isnt to say that i dont believe, that I dont trust God. I guess I'm just marveling in how hard it is to trust in general, especially a being that may not seem to be real to us in earthly terms. I guess I'm struggling with this trust. I think I tend to be a pretty trusting person. I tend to trust people from the start and dont usually have issues trusting them until one of my fears is hit. I find it difficult to be this way. I dont think I'd want to be someone whos always extremely skeptical of people from the start and then have to learn to trust them. But being the way I am, its like always setting myself up for hurt.

Lately, in the past year, the phrase that has been on my heart and mind alot is, "it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all". I really have come to believe that to be true. But I have also come to find that it is harder than it appears. How hard is it to love unconditionally, without reserve, wholly and fully, and yet, not necessarily expect, but accept the possibility of losing that for whatever reason? Rejection, death, betrayal... there are so many ways to lose love. These are the things that keep people fearing love. We are afraid of the risk. We are afraid of the pain that could be involved. We are afraid of brokenness.

I know I am. But more than this, I am afraid of not living and experiencing the most wonderful parts of life because of these fears. Trusting people is hard. Loving people and trusting them with your heart is even harder. But I truly believe that even with the risks involved, the possible loss, that the chance to love and experience all that that entails is more than worth the risks.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

Lean not on your own understanding.

Seek his will in all you do

and He will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Father, teach me to trust. Teach me to love. Teach me to live free from fear.