chains of fear

why does fear seem to be so paralyzing? why cant i just release it once, and never see it rear its ugly head again? why must it be a constant struggle?

even when i've come to firm conclusions, come to terms with the mysteries of the plan God has for me, accepted that i cant see the future, and placed my trust in something i cant see, feel, or hear... even though i'm firm in all of this, fear still haunts me. it still breaks me down. tightens its death grip on me. causes me to question... doubt... distrust.

i hate it. i want to be rid of it. i want to be able to trust. i know that trusting may not always lead me away from the path of pain, but i still want to be able to trust knowing that pain may be part of the journey, and that the pain is far worth what's ahead on the path.

sometimes i feel like im drowning... the only things holding me down are these chains. each link... all the millions of fears riddled throughout my heart and soul. I suppose, fear is one of those things that you must surrender up to him every day, every hour, maybe every few minutes. as unfortunate and difficult as that may be... i hope i can remember to do it. because i cant take the weight of these fears anymore.