Its been 4 years... and now im working on my 5th.
I'm tired of cramming and trying to shove information and abilities into my brain. It's on overload! I just want to live!
I want to get an apartment of my own, get a job - doesnt have to be teaching... i love doing the training kind of stuff i do right now -, get plugged in to a church - like actually plugged in... be involved, serve, etc -, maybe volunteer with a drama or theatre group, maybe find a great man of God and date him (new experience for me)... and JUST LIVE!
Francis Chan says in his book Crazy Love " Worry implies that we don't quite trust God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives. Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance. They declare our tendency to forget that we've been forgiven, that our lives are brief, that we are headed to a place where we won't be lonely, afraid, or hurt ever again, and that in the context of God's strength, our problems are small, indeed."
How wise is that!? Ugh....It just makes me want to go.... here God! Take it all away! Take every ounce of stress, anxiety, and tension from my body and mind! But more than that... it makes me want to just leave the life i have right now... go start somewhere new... and just do God's bidding.... making disciples of Him.
Oh Lord.... why... what purpose do you have for me?! Why must I be so unsatisfied with my life? I know you have a reason I am here... doing what I'm doing... school, work, uco... but I'm just so eager for more.
Please father, give me the strength to move forward, even in my restlessness. Help me to trust you more completely, surrender to you more wholly, seek you more passionately. Comfort my heart Abba.
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